The Red Sox Ticket Buying Experience
By Chris Cue
January 30, 2011
A couple of years ago I wrote a piece on the
trials and tribulations of attempting to purchase Red Sox game tickets at face
value. I’ve re-vamped that initial writing to better portray the experience
encountered this year and to hopefully aid those that may wish to undergo this
yearly ritual when 2012 rolls around. So, buckle in and prepare for what was an
Oh boy, the Red Sox ticket buying experience. I’m tellin’ ya, there’s nothing else like it and for that, you can THANK GAWD!
If you’ve never attempted to buy Red Sox game tickets at face value,
well….let me clue you in and attempt to help you out (as if that’s possible). First,
let’s start with the supplies you’ll need heading into this adventure. Yes,
much like a camping trip to upper Maine, you’re going to need to be well
equipped and well prepared to handle the task ahead of you. So, in case you are
thinking about going on this excursion next year, I’ve put together a handy
dandy checklist for you. It includes advice, physical items you will need and
some tips to keep you from losing your freakin’ mind.
The Red Sox Ticket Buying Checklist
tickets go on sale
A good nights sleep. I know, it’s normally a Friday night and you want to
party, but this is a must.
2). An alarm clock set to wake you up no later then 8:30am (this is the reason for #1).
3). Coffee…..lots of Coffee. No trips to Dunkin Donuts….there won’t
4). At least 2 working computers with access to the internet
(wireless internet and at least 1 laptop will
come in handy).
5). 1 telephone equipped with speed dial.
6). 2 helpers. These can be friends, family members or just people off
the street looking to get out of the cold (One will act as a “2nd buyer” and
the other works as a “runner”).
7). 2 comfortable chairs to sit in (one for you and one for the
8). The web site address (book marked into your “favorites”)
for ticket purchases via the virtual waiting room.
9). The phone number to call (pre-programmed into the phone) to purchase
tickets from the box office.
A pre-determined plan of attack. This includes a prioritized list of dates,
times and games you
hope pray to get tickets for.
11). A good luck charm. A religious item blessed by no less then a Bishop may help. Don’t use a rabbits foot (this should be obvious since it can’t be from a lucky rabbit).
If you are well prepared, it should now be around
9-9:15 and you have time for breakfast. I’d suggest cold cereal since it
doesn’t take long to prepare. However, if you’re really on top of your game,
you may have time for eggs & bacon as well as an english muffin or toast, but leave
time for a bathroom break. You’ll want to be at you computer no later then
9:30am. At that time, using both computers, you and the “2nd buyer”
will want to attempt to purchase tickets on line. I know, the tickets don’t go
on sale until 10am, but you’re hoping for a head start by getting into the
“virtual waiting room” ahead of everyone else.
(this actually doesn’t
work, but fooling yourself into thinking that you got in ahead of everyone else makes you
feel good about your chances which is important to your sanity.)
important that you have your “prioritized list” of games you want to
see handy. Your first attempt should be clicking on the game you most want to
attend. Now, once you’re in the “virtual waiting room”, you have from
that time until 10am to do what ever you feel necessary. I’d suggest putting on
every article of Red Sox clothing you own just for good karma. Doing so also
proves to the computer that you’re a “Die Hard Sox Fan” and deserving
of good fortune.
(again this doesn’t really work, but it helps build your confidence and bolsters the rationalizations you’ve made and need to endure the upcoming marathon.)
OK, so now you’re set. You’re ready for the bell to
ring so you can come out fighting. Your heart is all a flutter with the
anticipation of getting Field Box Seats. Your confident in your chances and
proud that you’ll be getting tickets at face value. That’s right, this year you
won’t need a second mortgage on the home. You tell yourself that you can
afford premium seats by purchasing them this way. It’s exciting! You can see
yourself sitting right behind the Sox dugout and shaking hands with Tito prior
to the start of the game. You’ll have the opportunity to make suggestions to Dice-K
that will ensure he makes it past the 5th inning. You’ll arm wrestle
with Pedrioa and rub Youks baldhead. Ahh, you can see it now. This is going to
HEY Snap out of it! The clock just struck 10am!
You spring into action by hitting redial
on the phone and watch the computer screen as the waiting room counts you down
from 30 seconds to zero. You have high hopes of getting placed in the front of
the line. In the mean time, the other end of the phone rings busy, so you hang
up and hit redial again. You’re underway. The race has begun and you’re
confident that you’re ready for anything. While all of this is going on, you
and the “2nd buyer” will want to use that “runner” to
gather up all the needed things you’ll have to have handy for the marathon you
could very well now be running in. Here’s the list of things that the
“runner” should now be equipping you with….on an hourly basis.
One: When Field Box Seats and your dreams are a certainty
A child’s sippy cup filled with Coffee. You’ll have to drink fast between busy
signals and hitting redial…. plus, you won’t want to spill any of it on the
keyboard. You may feel silly, but it beats watching your keyboard short circuit
just as you’re asked to type in how many tickets you want.
2). If you smoke, you’ll need a lit candle. This prevents you from
wasting time with a lighter, which could slow down the “hit redial” process.
Hour Two: When Field Box seats are gone and Loge Box are now acceptable
1). A small pillow to rest your elbow on. Supporting your chin while
looking at the computer screen can take it’s toll on the old elbow.
2). Medicated lotion. I suggest Ben Gay. It may smell bad, but it does
loosen up your hand so you can continue hitting redial without cramping up too
3). Some Visine may or may not be needed at this time to keep your eyes
moist. You should have it handy just in case. Dry eye syndrome (if there is
such a thing) won’t help as you continue to watch the screen count down for 30
seconds to zero and then start over again.
Hour Three: When Grandstand seating looks pretty darn good
1). The “runner” should now be providing you and the “2nd
buyer” with a motivational speech. The Martin Luther King “I Have A
Dream” speech seems to work well for me.
2). More Ben Gay.
3). A sedative because “Holy S**T!!!” you’ve finally gotten
through on the phone.
4). Another motivational speech because half way through your ticket
order, the automated voice tells you “We’re sorry, the system is
currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please hang up and try again“.
Ear plugs for any children standing by are now needed so they won’t hear the
words coming out of your mouth. Both “dial” and “tone” are 4 letter words, but those aren’t the words you’ll be saying.
6). It’s past noon, so a shot of Jack Daniels may not be inappropriate.
The “runner” should have one standing by.
Hour Four: When you tell yourself that the Bleacher seats can be fun
1). Duct Tape. It’ll help keep your eyes open and you’ll want to put the
2). Some bug spray to kill the spider that is building a cob web on you.
3). The runner should now go to a store and buy a speaker phone….let’s
face it, the Ben Gay is probably gone and you’re unable to lift anything at
4). Another shot of Jack just to keep the juices flowing…
Hour Five: WTF? Standing room only…PLEASE I’m Begging Here!
1). A bucket. Mother Nature is probably calling, but you don’t dare leave
your seat. (this item isn’t necessary if you have wireless internet and a
laptop. Just don’t attempt to balance the computer on the side of the tub. It
always falls and that gets expensive.)
2). Another sedative. Because you’re sure to be heard saying, “Well it’s about Freaking Time!!” You’ve managed to get through on the phone again. (the virtual waiting room has
you half way up the line and it’s still counting down from 30 seconds to zero
with no hope in sight)
3). Another shot of Jack Daniels is needed now to calm your nerves so you
don’t screw this up.
4). Some praise for you from the “runner” is warranted at this point
for your dogged determination. A reference comparing what
you’ve now accomplished to what the 1980 USA Gold Medal Hockey team did sounds about right.
You’ve done it! You got the tickets to the game you
wanted to see. Who cares if they’re standing room only tickets? You’ve
accomplished something here. Face value tickets and it only cost you: A missed
Friday night party, an early wake up time on a Saturday morning, a few pounds
of Coffee, 3 packs of smokes, a tube of Ben Gay, some Visine, 1/2 bottle of
Jack Daniels, a new speaker phone, a Prozac prescription, duct tape and some
bug spray. You’ve won bragging rights to your friends. You have beaten down the
competition and won the privilege to buy tickets to a ballgame!!
Good for you!!
Now, you can start all over again and go to work on the other games you want to
You now begin to see the value of giving Ace Tickets a call.